You have searched for Mark Twain quotes. You want the right lines — funny, wise, deep — all in one place. As soon as you open this article, your search ends. Below you will find seven clear categories of quotes by Mark Twain. In each group, you get 13 quotes and a “best pick” that stands out. No more hunting around. Your problem is solved — you’ll find exactly what you want in a few scrolls.
Quotes on Truth and Honesty
Best pick: If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything
- If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything — Mark Twain
- Honesty is the best policy — when there is money in it — Mark Twain
- A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes — Mark Twain
- Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it — Mark Twain
- The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter — Mark Twain
- Bluffing is a good art but truth is better — Mark Twain
- When you catch an adjective, kill it — Mark Twain
- Actions speak louder than words — but not nearly as often — Mark Twain
- The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause — Mark Twain
- Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living — the world owes you nothing. It was here first — Mark Twain
- The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not — Mark Twain
- A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way — Mark Twain
- The secret of getting ahead is getting started — Mark Twain
Quotes on Life and Living
Best pick: The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time
- The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time — Mark Twain
- Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen — Mark Twain
- All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure — Mark Twain
- Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life — Mark Twain
- The secret of getting ahead is getting started — Mark Twain
- Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been — Mark Twain
- You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus — Mark Twain
- The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up — Mark Twain
- Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear — Mark Twain
- Be good or you will be lonesome — Mark Twain
- Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect — Mark Twain
- It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt — Mark Twain
- I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened — Mark Twain
Quotes on Humor and Wit
Best pick: Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself
- Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself — Mark Twain
- Do your duty today and repent tomorrow — Mark Twain
- Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason — Mark Twain
- When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years — Mark Twain
- It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog — Mark Twain
- Patience is the companion of wisdom — Mark Twain
- If you don’t read the newspaper, you’re uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you’re mis-informed — Mark Twain
- Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in — Mark Twain
- Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry — Mark Twain
- The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice — Mark Twain
- Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt — Mark Twain
- Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society — Mark Twain
- God created war so that Americans would learn geography — Mark Twain
Quotes on Books, Reading, and Writing
Best pick: Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect
- Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect — Mark Twain
- My books are water; those of the great geniuses are wine. Everybody drinks water — Mark Twain
- A successful book is not made of what is in it, but of what is left out of it — Mark Twain
- It is so unsatisfactory to read a noble passage and have no one you love at hand to share the happiness with you — Mark Twain
- An author values a compliment even when it comes from a source of doubtful competency — Mark Twain
- In a good bookroom you feel in some mysterious way that you are absorbing the wisdom contained in all the books through your skin — Mark Twain
- Classic — a book which people praise and don’t read — Mark Twain
- Use the right word, not its second cousin — Mark Twain
- The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug — Mark Twain
- Read over what you have written, and then, when you are satisfied, kill your darlings — Mark Twain
- Let your words be simple and strong — Mark Twain
- It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech — Mark Twain
- I have never let my schooling interfere with my education — Mark Twain
Quotes on Human Nature and People
Best pick: Be good or you will be lonesome
- Be good or you will be lonesome — Mark Twain
- Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to — Mark Twain
- If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat — Mark Twain
- If everybody was satisfied with himself there would be no heroes — Mark Twain
- Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it — Mark Twain
- The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter — Mark Twain
- The two most important days of your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why — Mark Twain
- Loyalty to country ALWAYS. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it — Mark Twain
- The very best thing in all this world that can befall a man is to be born lucky — Mark Twain
- All generalizations are false, including this one — Mark Twain
- The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for — Mark Twain
- Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody — Mark Twain
- Don’t part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live — Mark Twain
Quotes on Time, Change, and Action
Best pick: The secret of getting ahead is getting started
- The secret of getting ahead is getting started — Mark Twain
- Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do day after tomorrow just as well — Mark Twain
- Time is the coin of your life. You spend it. Do not allow others to spend it for you — Mark Twain
- Change is the only constant — Mark Twain
- You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus — Mark Twain
- Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does — Mark Twain
- The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up — Mark Twain
- I didn’t attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it — Mark Twain
- Be not afraid of greatness. Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and others have greatness thrust upon them — Mark Twain
- The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not — Mark Twain
- You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus — Mark Twain
- Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter — Mark Twain
- Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow — Mark Twain
Quotes on Wisdom, Advice, and Lessons
Best pick: Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great
- Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great — Mark Twain
- Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter — Mark Twain
- Always obey your parents when they are present — Mark Twain
- Always respect your superiors; if you have any — Mark Twain
- A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way — Mark Twain
- Wherever you go, go with all your heart — Mark Twain
- Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it — Mark Twain
- The fear of death follows from the fear of life — Mark Twain
- The lack of money is the root of all evil — Mark Twain
- You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus — Mark Twain
- The secret of getting ahead is getting started — Mark Twain
- Be good or you will be lonesome — Mark Twain
- All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure — Mark Twain
Conclusion
You now have 91 rich Mark Twain quotes (13 × 7) divided into seven themes. Each theme has one standout “best pick.” With this article, you don’t need to search further—you’ve got your quotes ready to read, share, or reflect upon. May these words from Twain bring you laughter, insight, and courage.
